Now Showing: Hopefully Never.

2009 and 2010 has seen an assload of 3D movies completely wreck the box office sales. If you're one of the millions of people who saw "Avatar" or one of the insane Tim Burton followers who watched "Alice in Wonderland", you know how impressive this technology can be. However, we live in a society where we have to ruin and whore out every great piece of technology we have (iPad, internet I'm looking at you). That is why I bring you:

Top 10 movies that should never be re-made into 3D.

(In no particular order)

10. Casablanca - The cigarette just seems to dance right on the corner of Bogart's mouth! Oh, the coolness! You can just see Sam's dark, chocolate hands swoop down to hit those keys! Oh, the subtle racism! Sounds like it would get old fast? That's what I thought.

9. Deliverence - I'm not even going there...

8. Any porno ever! - Really, there is no need to see a money shot in that much detail, especially when it's coming straight for your forehead. "I can actually see the C-section scars!" Excuse while I go grab my brain soap and clear those images from my mind.

7. Twilight - The only way Robert Pattinson could look more like a bag full of douches is if his pale ass was sparkling in the wonder of 3D. And yet the cult-like following of teenage girls and people disconnected with reality will flock to this pile of shit.

6. Battlefield Earth - 3D will not make this movie better. Megan Fox in a bikini and waxing a banana in every shot couldn't help this movie. In fact, if this movie is ever 3D, a gigantic hole will tear in the very fabric of space and time.

5. It - Yes, that 4 hour long movie where Tim Curry plays an insanely creepy clown. There is no way in hell I'm sitting in a chair while a killer clown reaches out of a sewer and pops off the screen. Mark my words: I would shit my pants.

4. Gigli - Ooooh yeah! J Lo's ass in 3D? SCORE! But Ben Affleck and J Lo's acting coming straight at your face? Sounds awesome, right?

3. (Insert Nicholas Sparks movie here) - Because the only way to heighten girls' expectations of their boyfriends is to put it in realistic, eye-popping 3D. Prepare to be disappointed in reality ladies.

2. Precious - Okay, I'll hold off on the fat jokes. 3D is a HUGE deal but I'm not sure if I really see the BIG picture. The last movie that featured a large black chick in a racially driven role was Mo'Nique. That ended pretty well, right?

1. The Passion of the Christ - Picture this: you walk into a theater to watch the gut-wrenching, overly-emotional, 50 hours of "The Passion". On the screen is a bloody, bearded man getting hit with a whip and nailed to a cross. You look to the right and you see a bunch of idiots with those stupid glasses on. Catch my drift? Please, we don't need the Jews feeling anymore guilty, do we?